In Spaces Between

* This guest post by life coach and all-round gorgeous woman, Kate Swoboda from Your Courageous Life is the perfect follow on from yesterday’s post on intention, embracing adventure and BEING in the moment. Enjoy!

Consider this: How often do we start out on a dream and then give up if we run into several challenges or blocks? What would it look like if we weren’t attached to the end result, trusting that the challenges were part of the process? How much kinder would we be to ourselves if we were more invested in BEing our journey rather than “being on” a journey?

There’s a subtle, yet critical, difference between BEing your journey in life and being on a journey, and the difference between the two means everything when you’re trying to make real life changes.

BEing a journey looks like saying that you’re ready for change and holding that truth, without attaching to an idea of what it ‘has to’ look like at the end. You say that you want to run a business, write a book, or forgive your parents? BEing your journey means you stop having a preconceived idea of what that must look like. BEing your journey makes room for every dream you have to look differently than what you had expected.

BEing a journey is having a commitment to walking a path, not walking a path “if and only if it looks okay to me and I get what I want.” BEing a journey is the way of releasing an attachment to results.

BEing a journey creates more space for not giving up when challenges arise, because one can only give up on a task or a goal—we cannot give up on BEing. The emphasis shifts from attainment of some goal at the end—the job, the relationship, the weight loss, the awards, the money—and becomes about the deep process of living that happens along the way. This is about being present and alert to all of the beauty that you might otherwise miss, if you were focused solely on “arriving.”

BEing your journey is perhaps the most courageous and beneficial step you could take in your life.

Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait a second. I want to change things. Now you’re suggesting that I let go of any attachment to changing things? Is this some kind of reverse-psychology? What am I going to get out of this?”

Here’s what we get out of choosing to BE a journey rather than focus on an end result, every single time.

* Less tension or anxiety.

* Less worry about “messing it up” (how can you mess it up if you’re willing to BE a journey and trust that the “messing up” could be part of getting you to where you want to be? Every step, every piece, has value when you choose to BE a journey.)

* Less control of others (You no longer need them act/be/say things/think a certain way).

* What you’re hoping to cultivate in usually comes faster and easier.

* When it doesn’t come faster and easier, you often realise later that the slower/harder path taught you a lot more and you’re grateful for it.

* When the thing you were hoping for didn’t come, without a doubt something even better, perhaps even something you wanted more, showed up.

* Freedom – a glorious feeling of freedom to just. be. without. the. inner. critic. tension. (Basically, the “bad days” just don’t feel as bad when you’re not attaching to them as some kind of evidence of being on the wrong path—instead, BEing is accepting that bad days happen, they’re part of BEing a journey, and that’s that).

Most importantly—a willingness to BE a journey has lets you set a goal and stay on the path. You don’t give up on things; you revise. Journeys are about moving along a path, not magically transporting from one point to another in a second. Because you allow that space, you see the evidence of change showing up in your life on a regular basis.

I invite you to start creating your life for yourself.

Create it by making connections with others and sharing your experience. Create it by staying more internal. Create it by deciding how much time you want to put in. Create it by getting a new, clean notebook or create it by chucking the notebook and writing on scarlet-red paper from the art store or by never writing down a thing but just carrying ideas through your day. Create it in a way that works for you, and be willing to BE a journey, to notice what works for you and what doesn’t, and to revise as you go along.

If you step into BEing a journey, you can’t “do it wrong”. Whatever shows up as “wrong” is the gift of noticing where something doesn’t work for you, and choosing a different path.

Kate Swoboda is a Life Coach, speaker and writer who helps clients to lead unconventional and revolutionary lives through practicing courage. She’s the author of The Courageous Living Guide, and creator of the Courageous Play and Create Stillness retreats–as well as The Coaching Blueprint, a resource just for Life Coaches. When she’s not writing, coaching, or leading retreats in Italy and San Francisco, she can be found sipping chai in libraries, buffing up on her Italian, training for her next road race, or getting all bendy-stretchy on the yoga mat.

You can find Kate at www.yourcourageouslife.com.

Ever caught yourself venturing down the path of “all striving, no arriving?” I know I definitely have, and there’s a marked difference in how much I relish achieving something when I haven’t taken the time to appreciate the steps and lessons along the way.

BEing to me means reading a book without reaching over to check Facebook on my phone between chapters. It means fully listening, giving someone my all. It means putting down the camera and soaking in the beauty of a new location first and foremost. It’s starting my day with an intention, meditating, practicing yoga, refraining from filling every moment with must-do’s, celebrating an accomplishments before diving into the next.

What about you? What does “BEing” look like in your life? I’d love to hear your stories, challenges and lessons learned in the comments below.

Image: Verily Mag

This blog post is in support of a new book by Michelle Ward and Jessica Swift called The Declaration of You. It’ll be published by North Light Craft Books in Summer 2013 and gives readers “all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique, and uncover what they are meant to do.” I’m thrilled to be participating in the tour alongside a host of other creative bloggers, and you can learn more, read the posts, and join in the fun by clicking here.

My palms are sweating. My breath is quick and short, my concentration laser-focused. The thrum of my heart inside my chest signals that I’m well and truly out of my comfort zone. Shiz is getting real.

Gripping the metal cable to my right, I continue the sharp descent down the side of the cliff on iron rungs, twisting around rocks inelegantly, keeping my eyes glued to the Nike Free’s on my feet and shooing thoughts of the 1000 metre drop below out of my mind.

We’re meant to have harnesses, and no doubt, proper hiking boots. We have neither. Did I mention my pounding heart?

For what seems like an eternity, we weave down and around the side of the mountain, with one of our new friends, the Aussie, up ahead leading the way and the other, a softly spoken Frenchman, behind me, instructing me gently in broken English to put both hands on the cable.

It’s a warm day and I can feel the heat rising up in my body – beads of sweat gathering on my skin, a cocktail of exertion and adrenalin.

We’d only just met our buddies in the cable car up from the valley in Schetlberg to Mürren in the Swiss Alps.

Ramai and I had been mountain biking all day and had our bikes with us in the crowded cable car, and the friendly Aussie (Douggs*) struck up a conversation about the local trails, which soon lead to us quizzing him about base jumping – their intention for the trip up.

The cable car came to a stop in Mürren and the boys set off down the street, which is when – pivotal moment – I decided to ask them if we could come and watch their jump, knowing that seeing them “fly” in the wingsuits would be a pretty spectacular sight.

Of course! Douggs said, we’d love you guys to come, and told us that the trip to the jump spot could be tricky at times** but that we’d be fine.

All in the name of adventure, right?

*****

On our flight from Australia to Europe, I was writing in my journal and turned to Ramai and said “Let’s set some intentions for this trip.”

I scrawled down five, with the first two being Embrace adventure and Truly BE in the moment.

Before we left, life had been abundantly work-centred (along with some generous overtime on the transformation/ growth side of things; there have been some big shifts this year) so I’d been hankering for some good ol’ fashioned fun, adventure and spontaneity. The words had tumbled out of my mouth on numerous occasions…

“I’m so ready for the kind of adventures that make you feel all tingly and alive. Heart-racy stuff. Oh-my-god-that-was-awesome kinda stuff.”

“Life, I’m ready to be thrilled.”

Well. Ask and you shall receive. Never underestimate the power of intention.

*****

WE ALL HAVE THE POWER TO DESIGN OUR LIVES

 

Goethe said (about making a commitment to move towards a goal) ….“A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

Coincidences. Synchronicities. Good fortune. Being in the right place at the right time. That’s exactly what happened to us.

Whilst I’d normally lean towards setting clear, specific goals and intentions, I went kinda vague with this one (embrace adventure) but the powerful part was actually feeling in my body the way I’d feel if life was truly thrilling me. I called on times in my life that I’d experienced unbridled joy – really felt the stomach butterflies and the fully-stretched smile that seems to start somewhere deep within. I knew exactly how adventure would rock my spirit (the tingles, the ba-boom of my heart) and although I didn’t know how it would show up, I knew we’d be looked after.***

There’s an internal energy shift that happens the moment you connect with your intention, and that counts as much as the external actions you take.

So what does living with intention actually mean?

It means:

Calling in the kind of transcendent energy required for growth by declaring what you want. Intention = the simple act of determining mentally upon a result and setting in motion the movement toward that desire.

Being an active participant in your life vs. watching on from the sidelines.

Creating on a much grander scale.

Becoming aware of where the energy is at – the pull – and consciously make it the driving force in your life.

Put simply, intention is the starter gun.

Our adventure with our base jumping friends wasn’t the only one we had over our month in Europe, but it certainly takes the cake.

Terrifying, yes, a little bit reckless, uh huh, but also one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done and something I’ll carry with me for a lifetime.

It all started with a declaration. 

* Turns out Chris ‘Douggs’ McDougall is one of the most famous and well-respected base jumpers in the world. See also: crazy mofo. There are no coincidences. This story, with these exact characters, was meant to happen all along.

** Hello, understatement of the millennium. The climb back up… gosh, I get nervous just thinking about it. We passed two other rock-climber-looking dudes on the way up and they both looked at our lack of harnesses and let out a soft, low “ooooooh.”

*** Once your intention has been set, it’s all about trust. Have faith that what you want is on its way and keep an eye out for signs. Say yes to opportunities. Be open to the receiving. It might not look how you expect it to but it’s the depth and heart of the experience, not the form it shows up in, that matters.

Exercise YOUR intent

While I’m not exactly a fan of the term “bucket list” (anyone got a nicer-sounding, more potent alternative?) I love the idea behind creating desire lists and boldly declaring the kinds of experiences we want in our lives.

What adventures are you seeking – now or in the future? What are you working on manifesting in your life?

Anything goes so let’s get some goodness flowing in the comments below, and I’d love you to share this post if it tickled your fancy!

Today is a special day around here because I’m super stoked (!) to be launching a brand new interview series “How I Do It.”

This series has come about for two reasons:

One // I’m often asked by coaching clients and you, my readers, for insights into the way I do things – whether that’s running my business, tending to this blog, or moving through overwhelm or self-doubt.

The way us humans are wired (me included) is that we seek. We’re curious. We turn to each other for advice-from-the-trenches as a way of connecting and working the world out. We take the insights into how others do their thang, and why, keep the parts that sing to us, discard the rest and go and do it how we want to do it.

So, with ‘How I Do It’ we’re going to take that reasoning and peek behind the curtain a little to see how a range of inspiring sistas rock their thing.

Two // This feature has been created to celebrate brilliant women who are living their lives, on purpose. I’ll be introducing you to a stellar cast from around the globe, some who will be familiar and some who will (perhaps) be new to you.

You’ll meet soulful coaches, my favourite astrologer, best-selling authors, blogger babe extraordinaires, designers and plenty more entrepreneurial supernovas who are boldly, authentically and joyfully working and living from their zone of genius.

It’s going to be a heap of fun.

And speaking of fun, the first interviewee of the series is someone who undeniably, no question, abso-fricken-lutely epitomises the word.

I first came across Michelle Ward about 18 months ago and knew immediately that I needed to learn more about this effervescent soul who was so lovingly championed by two of my internet faves Alexandra Franzen and Tanya Geisler.

What I found when I scrolled and clicked my way through her site, was not only a vibrant, generous, fun-lovin’ woman on a mission to help creative peeps figure out what they want to be when they grow up, but a woman who’s been through some stuff. You know, some cancer stuff. But does it define her? Oh hell no. 

Meet Michelle Ward, ukelele-playing creative career coach, super-rad human being.

Let’s kick off with a biggie. Why do you do what you do?

Because I’ve been there and done that and it stunk! In my late 20s I finally came to terms with the fact that I didn’t want to be a musical theater performer any longer (which was a 20 year old dream), and I couldn’t find anyone that I felt knew “get it”.

I went to a social worker who I was told worked on career change stuff for artists, but in our second session she told me to get a nose job! It was just such a punch in the gut after a real tumultuous time for me. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but I couldn’t deny that I was super passionate in thinking that I could be the creative career coach that I needed at that time.

What are three of the biggest lessons you’ve learnt since becoming an entrepreneur?

In no particular order:

1 // Don’t be afraid to wave your uniquity flag! It leads to clients/customers you love working with and a biz that energises you.

2 // You’re your own best business advisor. Do your best to stop the “shoulds” and “have tos” and instead listen to your wants and gut/heart instead.

3 // Delegate delegate delegate. I’ve worked with a Virtual Wizard at least 10 hours/week for almost 2 years and it’s changed things for the better. I’m looking at expanding her hours and/or bringing on at least 1 other freelancer so we can all keep focusing on the tasks/work we love.

What’s been key for you in building your tribe online?

When I started When I Grow Up Coach in 2008, I was working full-time as an Executive Assistant – so I was really restricted to whatever I could do promotionally in my cubicle.

I started a blog right away, got on Twitter (and took time to learn how to use it effectively!), and took the first incarnation of Holly Becker’s Blogging Your Way. Because I was so active with those platforms and that class, I made connections right away that directly led to clients and referrals and interview requests. Everything grew from there.

I know that there’s rarely a ‘typical’ day in the life of an entrepreneur/ blogger/ lady of the interwebs, but can you talk a bit about how you approach your work? What does a week in your life usually entail?

You’re right that there’s nothing “typical” about my time – it’s so dependent on the projects I have going on! But in general, I have about 30 client sessions/month plus work on 1-2 projects, as well as writing 1 blog post and newsletter each week and doing other Woman of the World stuff (finances, billing, social media, etc).

Right now we’re at the start of the big online Blog Lovin’ Tour for my book, so there’s lots of calls with Jess (my co-author) and our tour organiser, Abby, as well as lots of interviews to do (like this one!) and guest posts to write.

I’m finally re-adjusting my schedule to how I work best, and that’s in batches. I’ve been coaching Monday – Friday since forever, but starting next month I’ll only be coaching Tuesday -Thursday. I’m excited to have Mondays and Fridays for writing, planning, etc. without having it leak over to client days.

I think this’ll be great for my productivity and, um, sanity! (I’m not a big fan of head explosions).

Routines and rituals for the soul: can you tell us about the little – or big – things that keep you feeling grounded, joyful, connected, inspired?

Oh, sure! The things that pop into my head: the collaborations I’ve had and freelancers I work with (love them all!), Judge Judy (I DVR her every afternoon and watch her first thing every weekday morning!), my man (aw!), my Spotify playlists (movin’ and groovin’), dark chocolate (mmmmm….), meals or calls or visits with friends and family (I’m a big-time extrovert), Mondays with my Mom (she has off and I can take off – win-win!), seeing shows (Broadway, improv, comedy, musicals, concerts, etc), bubble baths (wine + She & Him + good book preferable), playing my uke (you can listen to my songs here), performing and singing (I really miss it), working with my clients (such a high!), making people laugh (no feeling like it!)… I’ll stop myself now :)

You’ve teamed up with Jessica Swift to create a gorgeous new offering, The Declaration of You. Let’s pull back the curtain – how did the book come to form? 

Jess and I met through the Interwebs in 2009 and became quick friends. She became my client, we worked together on a collaborative project, we would email and talk regularly… and in 2010 she read my mind and emailed me to see if I’d wanna work with her on “some sort-of e-workbook… full of brilliant coach-y wisdom and colorful illustrations, and we can have stories and games and printable feel-good artwork and all kinds of good stuff!”

It was the biggest “duh” ever, and we knew we wanted to create a course or book that used silly, fun, creative, colorful exercises to help creative women discover their purpose. Finding what you love didn’t need to be a big-time scary and serious process! It could be full of color and play and laughter, and that was our mission.

Once we decided on the Big Topics we wanted to broach, we shared a Google Doc and gave each other complete permission to write whatever, whenever – and to change anything the other person wrote without it being taken personally. It was a wonderful give-and-take and gave us lots to work with. We make a really great team.

From there, it was obvious that Jess would do our branding and design work, while I’d pick up the writing and tech-y slack on the promotional side. Again, we’d work on drafts of things, run it by the other person, and incorporate comments into the final piece. No hard feelings, ever.

The Declaration of You: How to Uncover It, Own It & Shout It From the Rooftops debuted as an ecourse. We then put the exercises into an ebook for people to download and work through at any time, and ran the ecourse twice more.

By the time we were through, we heard about the abusive relationships they ended up leaving and the passionate projects they decided to start and the ways they began to recognize their own needs, values, and priorities.

And then, in October 2011, Jess got an email from a publisher asking if she’d ever want to write a book. Collaborators first, she responded, “I’d love to, and I have! Here’s the ebook I self-published with my friend.”

Tonia, the acquistions editor, loved it, pitched it, and bought it in January 2012. We’re still pinching ourselves about it!

The not-so-hot days. We all have them. How do you combat overwhelm and self-doubt?

To be honest, I’m all about powering through – so when I feel close to a head explosion or Everyone-Is-Better-Than-Me-itis, I keep my head down and do my work. But it does wonders for me to step away – take a walk, play my uke, go for a run, work at a coffee shop, etc – as does doing a brain dump to get everything out of my head.

I always try to remind myself that everything always gets done – and because of that, I rarely find myself working much past 8 or 9 pm. Having a non-insane quitting time helps a lot!

RAPID FIRE:

I feel empowered, electric, alive, the most ME when… I’m coaching!

I feel restricted when… someone tells me I “can’t” or “shouldn’t.” Blech!

I’m inspired by… watching my clients achieve their passionate career dreams!

My current mantra/ affirmation is… you’re only one person. 

To wrap up, imagine you’re sitting in conversation with yourself in 10 years time. What are you doing? What does your life look – and feel – like?

Ooh, whadda nice daydream! I’m definitely with my husband and a kid, and we’re in a house somewhere close to NYC that has a sunroom I work in, a garage that Luke can make things, etc.

I have a handful of people working for me so that the only things I do are coach, speak, and write. I’ve had another book published and have helped thousands of creative women get out of their soul-sucking jobs and into work that feels like play.

We have a summer home and when I travel to speak or do workshops, my family comes with me. I’m also able to do theater and my husband is able to write comedy full-time. It feels so light and relaxing and invigorating all at once – amazeballs!

Michelle Ward, aka The When I Grow Up Coach, has coached hundreds of creative women to devise the career they think they can’t have – or discover it to begin with. She’s a Professional Certified Coach by the International Coach Federation, a musical theater actress with her BFA from NYU/Tisch, and a Corporate America escapee. Her first book (co-written with artist and designer Jessica Swift), The Declaration of You, will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer.

What do you think of the new series?

Did this interview with Michelle spark something for you? Share below, sweet pea!