“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood” – Marie Curie
I was chatting to a beautiful friend of mine yesterday about her feeling a bit overwhelmed and resistant to change. Inevitably, the F word came up. Yep. F E A R. F to the EAR. So, I thought we should talk about stepping (or being shoved aggressively) out of our comfort zones for a bit.
This is the thing: fears are self-created.
Ponder that for a moment. Standing at the edge of the unknown is a vulnerable place to be, and can unnerve even the most enlightened among us. This is how it usually plays out – you create a feeling of doubt in your mind, you buy into that feeling, you feel bad/ worried/ stressed/ inadequate and you hesitate. Fantasised Experiences Appearing Real.
Fear = friction = chafing. And we all know that chafing is bad.
Fear holds a mirror up to our insecurities.
Fear is fueled by the notion that we don’t believe we can have what we really want. We ache for more, we hold ourselves back, we self-sabotage, we get in our own way. Why? Not because we can’t do it, but because we’re scared we can do it – and then what? We worry (unnecessarily) about steering our ship into those uncharted waters because we’re scared that once we get there, we might make mistakes or fail or not be as capable as we originally thought we were. I’m sure you’ve all come across the below quote by Marianne Williamson at some stage but it’s worth sharing again here:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Potent stuff.
Something to take comfort in is that everyone has gone through change at some stage or another and fear is a universal emotion. Starting a new job can be daunting, as can breaking up with a long-time partner to backpack through Asia or speaking out on something that’s not sitting right with you. Take self-doubt as a cue to search for the strength that has always been within you. Get inside those worries and probe them with questions. What’s at stake here? Do I have any control over the result? What’s the worst that can happen, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, what’s the best that could happen? Will this matter to me in six months time? When we flip our perspective, our doubts and resistance can actually be enormously positive, providing us with a great insight into where we are stuck and where we need to rise up to tackle the challenge head-first.
The greatest antidote to fear is action.
Experiencing fearful thoughts is part of being human. The choice is whether we want to dwell on them or not. I love this from Danielle La Porte who says about fear:
“First, admit you have the fear: “Great it’s up on the table.” Now, you have to be clear on what the fear actually is. Once you do that, it sort of melts into something you can handle. The very act of being clear on what you fear transforms it; it’s not fear anymore but knowledge.”
One of our strongest concerns is that an issue is so big and so intimidating that we don’t know where to start with fixing/ conquering it. As happens in life sometimes, the simplest answer is the right one here: action cures all. I’ve started to make a concerted effort whenever I feel fear rising up inside me – fear that I’m not doing enough, fear that I’m doing too much, fear that I’m missing out, fear that I’m not good enough to take things to the “next level” in my life – to strip things right back and look inside that worry to see what the real problem is. If a confidence-theiving doubt like “You’re probably wrong, don’t say it just in case” arises for me it’s generally when I question my knowledge and experience in a situation, which if I’m brave enough, can be drilled down further to this bitter truth: at that point in time, I’ve convinced myself I’m not good enough. Is anyone else hot in here?
Because being uncomfortable ain’t my idea of a good time, I’ve learnt that the only way to conquer fear is to take deliberate action. That is, I recognise that I feel hesistant and scared and out of my depth and I jump in anyway. As Steven Pressfield says, start before you are ready. Accept that you’ll make mistakes and trust that everything will work out just as it’s supposed to. You’ve done this so many times before and you can do it again. You are more than enough. Honour that.
+ Have you done anything lately that’s put the fear in you? Something that pushed you out of your comfort zone? I’d love to hear your thoughts on resistance and what you do to combat it!
Image: via Etsy
Absolutely true Rach! And sometimes you need to read things like this to keep you on track. This fear thing seems to pop up alot as you progress through life! Big love! x
This text is worth everyone’s attention. When can I find out more?