guest post – Rachel MacDonald

3 Steps To Achieving Your Dreams (Even When You’re Frozen In Fear)

2 July, 2013

* More empowering words o’ wisdom for you today from gorgeous guest poster Jen of Wild Sister fame.

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” ~ Mary Ferguson

Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent my entire life facing fears. It’s easy to feel that way when you’re recovering from anxiety.

Wow, I’ve never used the word ‘recovery’ referring to myself before. But it’s true.

I’ve come a helluva long way over the past few years, and it’s taken a ton of leaps, many heart-racing moments and countless slow, deep breaths, but I’m here.

Just a few years ago, I would experience full-blown panic attacks over something as simple as stepping outside of my front door.

I was terrified of doing anything on my own, and social situations would make me feel physically ill.

I felt so far a way from my dreams, it was heartbreaking.

Fast forward to now…

My husband and I are living overseas for the second time.

Last year, I flew across the country to attend a retreat with women I had never met before – all on my own.

I have achieved many of my biggest dreams, like running my own business, marrying my soulmate, travelling, and moving to Bali, just to name a few.

Now I’m on track to achieve brand new dreams, like becoming a philanthropist, see Europe and eventually start a family.

While I’ve accomplished a lot and completely changed my life in a seemingly short time, it took a lot of work. I really had to rebuild myself and my life, and I’m still not completely anxiety-free yet.

But I know I will be, if I just keep going.

There are still huge differences between who I am now and who I used to be. One being this; I don’t let fear stop me anymore.

I can see now that those fearful thoughts and feelings aren’t real, that I’m always safe, and that fear only has power if I give it power.

So, when it comes to making my dreams come true, I’m now a force to be reckoned with. I’m freaking unstoppable, baby! As someone who has had to face her biggest fears every single day, I’ve become an expert at it.

Here’s how I’ve learned to overcome fear to achieve my dreams…

Breathe.

“Fear is excitement without the breath.” ~ Fritz Perls

Take a few deep breaths, relax your shoulders, and look around you. Centre yourself in the moment.

Fear only lives in our minds. By being present in the here and now, it cannot survive – because we are always safe.

Let go.

“I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.” ~ Erica Jong

You know that feeling you get in your gut when you think about your dream or goal? That pulling sensation that feels as though you’re literally being tugged towards your dream by an invisible rope?

Let it pull you.

Just let go and go with it.

Once you shift your perspective from your fears to your dreams, everything becomes so much clearer. Fear may be strong, but dreams are stronger.

Just keep your focus on your desires and let that fuel you for the next step.

Jump.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ~ Dale Carnegie

This is the hardest, but most important, step. Sitting around thinking about what scares you is guaranteed to make it worse.

The sooner you take action and start moving, the quicker you’ll realise you had nothing to be afraid of in the first place.

So just do it. If you want your dream more than you’re afraid of it, put one foot in front of the other – and never ever stop – nothing will be able to stop you from achieving it.

Repeat these steps whenever you start to feel fear creeping up – and you will. The goal here isn’t to eliminate the fear; it’s to move forward no matter how afraid we are.

We all feel fear every now and then, especially when we’re chasing our dreams and changing the world.

What’s important is to walk with the fear, to keep going even though our legs are trembling and our heart is racing.

That’s how barriers are broken, challenges are overcome and lives are changed.

You can do it.

You’re unstoppable.

Ready to take the next step? Leave a comment below and let us know what your next step is. Oh, and if you have one to share, share your best tip for dealing with fear.

Jen Saunders is the creator of Wild Sister Magazine and the Wild Sisterhood. She’s a tie-dye wearing daydream believer, writer and spirit junkie. Jen’s got so much love for women who own their power, smile at themselves and believe that happiness is a choice – so if that’s you, give her a wave at any one of her online homes so you can connect!

Facebook // Twitter

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Your Decision to Strive is the Very First Step

27 June, 2013

* I have a feeling you’re going to adore this guest post by life + biz coach, Tanya Geisler. I had the pleasure of doing her ‘Step Into Your Starring Role’ course earlier this year and holy hell, this woman is brilliant. And, seriously, she just R A D I A T E S warmth. Pop over to her online haven and say hi.

Back when I was invited to do a TEDx Women talk one of the very first pieces of information I had (other than it.was.a.TEDx.TALK!) was the theme of the day:: “The Space in Between”. Ah… yes. It was as if my Rachel, my beloved hostess here kissed me on the cheek, smiled into my eyes and said, yes, Dear One. You’ve got this.

And of course, she was would have been right. Because, as we all know, that Rachel is one smart cookie.

So I wrote from there. The Space in between what we think and what is real. I started with the intention of tackling ALLLLL inner critic voices. (I aim high.) Then, once I did the full role call of every last critic voice that I’ve ever met in those dark metaphorical alleyways, and added those of my beloved clients, honestly, it felt like just NAMING them would get me to the 18-minute mark, never mind creating context and identifying tactics.

So I decided to confront the biggest, baddest, gnarliest and arguably, the most pervasive one around:: The Impostor Complex.

I know you, you high-functioning, high-achieving, high-performing beautiful In Space Between reader. I know that you have experienced it. I know you have had moments of: “Ohmygoshwhatiftheyfindout ___________”. (Fill in the blank with “I’m not supposed to be here”, “I’m a fake”, “I just got lucky”, “I don’t really know what I’m doing”, “everything I’ve pulled off was a fluke” and so on.)

Right?

Oh, Gorgeous One. With everything that I have and everything that I am, I can promise you this:: You are NOT alone. And thousands of your sisters reading this on laptops, iPhones, iPads all around the world just breathed a collective sigh with you when they read those four words, too: “You are NOT alone.”

So I wrote the talk from the place of my own grief and my own sadness. For all the (many) times I stopped myself short. For all the times I’ve witnessed brilliant women (and men) around me stop themselves short. Out of fear of being found out. Or out of fear of pushing their luck. And then I wrote from the place of my unbridled frustration. And I got mad. It has become unacceptable to me that people are holding back from their good work. That they are playing safe, small and meek.

UNACCEPTABLE.

I’ve designed a continuum intended to move you from feeling like an Impostor towards claiming Authority in your area of genius. You can check out my TEDx Talk above, but I really want to share with you the very first step. It’s where so much of the honey is at.

Grab a pen + your journal, and let’s do this, shall we?

The first step:: DECIDING TO STRIVE

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

This is where it begins. The decision. The proclamation. The commitment. The line in the sand. You are here. Where is there?

Name it. Decide that you are going to step in, up and out. For real. (I know this feels scary… but it’s just you, my words and your writing… we’re completely and totally safe).

Get your pen ready and take a deep breath.

So, what’s the path you’re embarking upon?

// Are you heading towards seeing your name in lights on Broadway?

// Garnering the attention from O’s peeps?

// Inking the deal on the TV Show?

// Opening the yoga-tango studio/juice-bar?

// Writing the book?

// Launching the very business that has never been done?

That, loves, is your THERE. Oh. SO. Good. Goosebumpy, in fact. Just rest here for a moment. The very thing you’ve been avoiding is right here now, looking up at you from the journal. Your desired path. Isn’t it breathtaking? Isn’t it gorgeous and brilliant and so, very, very YOU?

Yes.

Now, I’m going to ask you to do something else that may feel scary. It’ll be okay.

Right now, write out the following sentence in your journal:

I know that it’s my path to claim because I am a genius at…

(Really… go ahead. Claim the very thing people are always thanking you for as it relates to your path. Name all the ways this path is the culmination of all that you are and all that you’ve been.)

Why is this so important to you? What is this desire honouring?

(This may take a while, and that’s cool. This path honours so very much. You’re about to stop being a spectator and about to become a do-er. YES. And truthfully, this had better be important. It’s a long path. State why. We’ll wait for you.)

Notice how much lighter you’re feeling already. Expressing your deepest desire is cathartic like that. Ahhh.

A word about the ego:: It wants to want more than it wants to get. So, this to say, once you get even this close to completing the book, getting O’s call, opening the doors on your studio, your ego isn’t naturally going to want you to rest there. It’ll already have its sights set on the next path, the next stage, the next book. And shitty as that can feel, it’s really the name of the game for high-functioning, high-achieving, high-performers. It’s the edge that you are perpetually sharpening.

So here’s what I highly (HIGHLY) recommend…

Finally, reverse engineer your there and identify markers that you can observe, commemorate, or dare I say it, celebrate (and decide how you WILL celebrate each milestone along your path).

Got all of that? Excellent. Remember, you are always either moving towards your there, or away from it. The choices are yours.

OVER TO YOU…

We want to celebrate your first step with you. Being witnessed is a mighty sublime thing, and YOU are a mighty sublime thing. Leave a comment telling us where you’re headed – your there – below.

Tanya Geisler is certified Life and Business Coach (CPCC, ACC) with a penchant for clarity (her Clarity Sessions have been likened to “divining rods of truth”). She’s coached hundreds of people who were ready to step into the starring roles of their lives. She wrote The Joy Pages, created Board of Your Life and the Step into Your Starring Role program, is a blogger for the wildly popular The Daily Love, has served as contributor and was featured in Canadian Living, and is an in-demand speaker who talks with great passion on all things joy, meaning and purpose (just try to stop her). She recently spoke about the Impostor Complex at TEDxWomen.

It is her indomitable belief that if everyone knew their own unique recipe for their personal brand of joy, they’d hold the key to shining in their life, in their work and in their life’s work. (It really does change everything.)

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Drop the Dream + Get Movin’!

26 June, 2013

* As I get back on track this week after a month away, I’m rolling out more brilliant guest posts and this one is by my beautiful friend Tara from Such Different Skies. Show her some love in the comments!

Not too long ago, I used to live my life with my attention constantly places three years ahead of me.

‘After I travel to South America, and snowboard in Switzerland, complete such-and-such certification and miraculously acquire some serious cash, THEN I’ll be ready for my dream career.’

What was really going on though of course, was my ingrained belief that I infact did not deserve a deeply fulfilling life just yet. But after a little more travel, a little more ‘life experience’, and few straight A’s, maybe, just maybe, I might be worthy.

—–

Do your dreams ever exhaust you? If they do, I’m not surprised! Big dreaming is a big transaction – of time, energy, attention and awareness. Don’t get me wrong, I simply wouldn’t be writing this post had I not spent some down and dirty time in Dream City, but there’s an enormous difference between visioneering, and the type of hardcore daydreaming that leaves you disconnected from your presence, frustrated at your current life situation and well, a little overwhelmed at what it’s going to take for you to ‘arrive’.

We can literally pysch ourselves out of the blissdom of moving toward an inspired life. But know this: big dreams don’t always involve big leaps of faith, big risks and big life changes. What they do require, is persistence.

Small, consistent steps forward create quantum shifts in your reality; your energy field, your relationships, confidence and – my favourite – your trust in life. Think of every small right action as a billboard created for the Universe which says: ‘I am ready now. And I need your help.’ (That last part is important, trust me. You cannot do this alone.)

So, what could a small right action look like for you?

Depending on where you’re at in your journey, and of course, what that big dream of yours is, it could mean…

// Creating a new pinboard in Pinterest with the blogs/designers/women/etc that inspire you. If you wanna up the potency, transfer those images to a wall in your house. Hello, inspiration station!

// Setting up a Gravatar account, so we can see your beautiful face when you leave comments on our blogs. If you’re commenting, you’re building your online presence – so let’s see them pearly whites!

// Choosing peppermint tea over coffee.

// Making the conscious decision to go to bed half an hour earlier. Like I said, dreamin’ requires energy! Sleep up, babe.

// Hiring a coach or visionary vixen that has a penchant for getting the wheels in motion.

// Attending events that both inspire and challenge you.

// Enrolling is a creative workshop, or an expressive movement class. Variety is the spice of life!

// Sitting down, and writing a list of what you do NOT want to feel, experience and talk about anymore. This is important, and empowering.

All of this raises your consciousness and your confidence. Before you know it, you’ll be:

Wooing the big shots; launching your blog/business; booking a retreat for yourself to honour the creative space you need, and sharing your story with the world, allowing it to heal with you.

These are hugely symbolic actions to take which radiate your deepest desire. “I am willing to create change in my life.”

Don’t wait for your dream to come along and sweep you off your feet, sweet thing. Decide to bring it into your day.

Do this now: Leave us a comment below and share what one right action you’re going to take in the direction of that dream of yours.

Tara Bliss is a spirit-fueled coach and healer, motivational speaker, and creator of The Party Girls Guide to Peace. Her mission? To kick-start an avalanche of gutsy, fear-busting confidence and love (all with a side serve of swagger)! Think of her as your crystal-toting, skateboard-riding, raw-dessert-loving lumiÃ¨re, unveiling the path to peace and freedom. Her original medicine? Fierce and curious vulnerability. It’s time to embrace self-love. Seize adventure. Revel in unconventionality.

Connect with Tara atTara Bliss,Facebook, Twitter and Instagram (@tara_bliss).

Image: A House in the Hills

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See Your World Through a Loving Lense

25 June, 2013

* As I get back on track this week after a month away, I’m rolling out more brilliant guest posts and this one is by my beautiful friend Connie Chapman from ConnieChapman.com. Head over to her online digs to say hi!

The way we perceive our world determines the world we see. We can see the world as being hard, challenging, void of opportunity and fraught with struggle. Or, we can see the world as being supportive, empowering, overflowing with opportunity and filled to the brim with abundance.

In any moment, you can choose to see your world through a loving lense. In an instant you can make the shift.

When you see your world through a loving lense, you dream in possibilities. You believe in yourself and know that whatever you truly desire can be achieved. You are compassionate, gentle, accepting, optimistic and kind. Your heart is open.

The loving perspective helps you see the lessons and learnings in every opportunity. It supports you to discover the blessings that are hidden in every challenge.

When you shift your perspective by dropping out of fear and into love the world you see around you will begin to shift. As Wayne Dyer so eloquently puts it – “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

As you take this beautiful, love-filled inner view, the world you see around you will begin to reflect back what you are feeling within. This is the true path to creating a happier and more abundant life.

So, are you ready to take a more loving view?

21 practices to support you to live with a loving lense

1 // Hold love in your heart and share it with everyone you meet.

2// Be compassionate, gentle and kind with yourself.

3 // Notice the opportunities, rather than the roadblocks.

4 // Practice forgiveness of your self and others.

5 // Write yourself a love letter, full to the brim of beautiful words of self-adoration.

6 // Celebrate your successes rather than wallowing in your setbacks.

7 // Acknowledge the beauty that surrounds you daily through gratitude and appreciation.

8 // Focus on the positive aspects of the people in your life rather than their flaws.

9 // Speak from your heart. Speak to yourself and others with love and kindness.

10 // Release your inner critic and embrace your inner cheerleader.

11 // Create sacred space for yourself everyday to turn inwards and connect.

12 // Immerse yourself in the joy of this present moment.

13 // Celebrate your divine beauty and revel in your magnificence.

14 // Practice heart meditation by placing all of your focus on your heart space and imagining your breathe moving in and out of that area.

15 // Give, generously.

16 // Love, wholeheartedly.

17 // Give yourself permission to do whatever it is that you love with your life.

18 // Be vulnerable and drop down the walls that shield your heart.

19 // Practice acceptance. Of yourself. Of your world. And of everyone in it.

20 // Trust the flow and know the Universe has your back.

21 // Remember, that your true essence is love. You are love. All you need to do is close your eyes, take deep breath and connect with it.

Connie Chapman is a transformation coach and writer, who is on a heart-fuelled mission to empower women to do what they love and manifest their dreams. She is the founder of connie.chapman.com, an empowering online space for women who want to create happy, fulfilling and magical lives. Connie is the author of The 12 Step Dream Creator Guide e book, and founder of The 90 Day Transformation Project, an online program and community, which in 2012 attracted 450 participants from all over the world. Join Connie on Facebook and Twitter.

Do you believe that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change? Do you have a story about a time you’ve flipped your perspective for the better? Share away in the comments below.

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Reach for Freedom by Just BEing

19 June, 2013

* This guest post by life coach and all-round gorgeous woman, Kate Swoboda from Your Courageous Life is the perfect follow on from yesterday’s post on intention, embracing adventure and BEING in the moment. Enjoy!

Consider this: How often do we start out on a dream and then give up if we run into several challenges or blocks? What would it look like if we weren’t attached to the end result, trusting that the challenges were part of the process? How much kinder would we be to ourselves if we were more invested in BEing our journey rather than “being on” a journey?

There’s a subtle, yet critical, difference between BEing your journey in life and being on a journey, and the difference between the two means everything when you’re trying to make real life changes.

BEing a journey looks like saying that you’re ready for change and holding that truth, without attaching to an idea of what it ‘has to’ look like at the end. You say that you want to run a business, write a book, or forgive your parents? BEing your journey means you stop having a preconceived idea of what that must look like. BEing your journey makes room for every dream you have to look differently than what you had expected.

BEing a journey is having a commitment to walking a path, not walking a path “if and only if it looks okay to me and I get what I want.” BEing a journey is the way of releasing an attachment to results.

BEing a journey creates more space for not giving up when challenges arise, because one can only give up on a task or a goal—we cannot give up on BEing. The emphasis shifts from attainment of some goal at the end—the job, the relationship, the weight loss, the awards, the money—and becomes about the deep process of living that happens along the way. This is about being present and alert to all of the beauty that you might otherwise miss, if you were focused solely on “arriving.”

BEing your journey is perhaps the most courageous and beneficial step you could take in your life.

Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait a second. I want to change things. Now you’re suggesting that I let go of any attachment to changing things? Is this some kind of reverse-psychology? What am I going to get out of this?”

Here’s what we get out of choosing to BE a journey rather than focus on an end result, every single time.

* Less tension or anxiety.

* Less worry about “messing it up” (how can you mess it up if you’re willing to BE a journey and trust that the “messing up” could be part of getting you to where you want to be? Every step, every piece, has value when you choose to BE a journey.)

* Less control of others (You no longer need them act/be/say things/think a certain way).

* What you’re hoping to cultivate in usually comes faster and easier.

* When it doesn’t come faster and easier, you often realise later that the slower/harder path taught you a lot more and you’re grateful for it.

* When the thing you were hoping for didn’t come, without a doubt something even better, perhaps even something you wanted more, showed up.

* Freedom – a glorious feeling of freedom to just. be. without. the. inner. critic. tension. (Basically, the “bad days” just don’t feel as bad when you’re not attaching to them as some kind of evidence of being on the wrong path—instead, BEing is accepting that bad days happen, they’re part of BEing a journey, and that’s that).

Most importantly—a willingness to BE a journey has lets you set a goal and stay on the path. You don’t give up on things; you revise. Journeys are about moving along a path, not magically transporting from one point to another in a second. Because you allow that space, you see the evidence of change showing up in your life on a regular basis.

I invite you to start creating your life for yourself.

Create it by making connections with others and sharing your experience. Create it by staying more internal. Create it by deciding how much time you want to put in. Create it by getting a new, clean notebook or create it by chucking the notebook and writing on scarlet-red paper from the art store or by never writing down a thing but just carrying ideas through your day. Create it in a way that works for you, and be willing to BE a journey, to notice what works for you and what doesn’t, and to revise as you go along.

If you step into BEing a journey, you can’t “do it wrong”. Whatever shows up as “wrong” is the gift of noticing where something doesn’t work for you, and choosing a different path.

Kate Swoboda is a Life Coach, speaker and writer who helps clients to lead unconventional and revolutionary lives through practicing courage. She’s the author of The Courageous Living Guide, and creator of the Courageous Play and Create Stillness retreats–as well as The Coaching Blueprint, a resource just for Life Coaches. When she’s not writing, coaching, or leading retreats in Italy and San Francisco, she can be found sipping chai in libraries, buffing up on her Italian, training for her next road race, or getting all bendy-stretchy on the yoga mat.

You can find Kate at www.yourcourageouslife.com.

Ever caught yourself venturing down the path of “all striving, no arriving?” I know I definitely have, and there’s a marked difference in how much I relish achieving something when I haven’t taken the time to appreciate the steps and lessons along the way.

BEing to me means reading a book without reaching over to check Facebook on my phone between chapters. It means fully listening, giving someone my all. It means putting down the camera and soaking in the beauty of a new location first and foremost. It’s starting my day with an intention, meditating, practicing yoga, refraining from filling every moment with must-do’s, celebrating an accomplishments before diving into the next.

What about you? What does “BEing” look like in your life? I’d love to hear your stories, challenges and lessons learned in the comments below.

Image: Verily Mag

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Sustained Epiphanies and Gut Goals

3 June, 2013

This is part of a series of brilliant guest posts that will be appearing on the blog while I’m in Italy. Let’s roll out the welcome mat for Kate – leave your thoughts/ questions in the comments below. I’ll be checking back in, but in the meantime, enjoy!

In my experience, scary medical situations seem to strip back all the noise making it easy to evaluate your life. Have you ever been there?

All of a sudden your To Do list doesn’t matter, the fight you had last week with your sister doesn’t matter, being the one who’s right in that bullshit argument with your honey doesn’t matter, and that big report for your 9to5 , the one you’ve been sweating over all week, definitely doesn’t matter.

When this happened to me recently, a medical emergency involving my forever guy made what mattered snap back into view. I immediately saw that health, love, family, community, and learning made my top 10 of important things. There was something else that I realised mattered big time: Doing my work.

And by work I’m talking the stuff I’m meant to be doing big picture. You know, the reason you’re here type business. The damn-that’s-huge ‘gut goal’ that scares you in that good takes-your-breath-away-with-the-thrill-of-it way when you dare imagine doing it for real. Stepping into that thing you already know – if you listen – is calling your name. I’m talking that work.

Maybe these things happen differently for everyone, but for me it was like there’d been something kinda fuzzy there for a while, a muted background noise, and all of a sudden with life stripped bare I’d instantly re-mastered this knowing in high def and turned the volume right up. It became a symphony of knowing too hard to ignore.

In my experience when the chips are down, epiphanies are easy. The hard work comes a few days later when the delicious sharp clarity is gone, that higher purpose shiz has lost it’s shine, and there’s a brand new ep of the New Girl singing it’s siren song. Following through is hard. And harder still the day after. It’s much easier to NOT get down to business, isn’t it?

It’s boring and sucky, and there’s probably way more poetic ways to say this, but when it comes to those big you-KNOW-that’s-what-you’re-meant-to-be-doing gut goals, sticking with it is the real secret to success.

I’m learning not to judge these gut-goals/soul-desires/whatever you wanna call them, no matter how crazy/big/small/inconvenient they seem. Like Steve Jobs famously said (and I’m paraphrasing here) a lot of the time shit only makes sense when you’re checking out the twists and turns of your life from the rearview mirror. Sometimes you’ve just gotta go with it and trust that the right stuff will unfold.

I knew I wanted to help kick ass creative trailblazing women bring their entrepreneurial dreams to life. Maybe in these moments your gut tells you to be a surf lifesaver, open a tango studio, become a health coach, or a mother. Maybe it’s telling you to reconnect with your passion for camping or immediately travel to Egypt or pen the historical romance novel you’ve been dreaming of or grow your own veggies. They all sound pretty great to me!

I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I have conquered some mighty scaring-the-shit-outta-me-when-I-set-them long term goals, and I’ve learnt a little. And so whatever your dream, here’s 3 tips that’ll help you sustain your epiphany, stick with that sucker and bring it to life:

Investing in yourself

This is the fastest way I know to get wherever you wanna go. DIY can be heaps of fun and bootstrapping will probably work, but your soul desire’s worth investing in. Anytime I’ve invested in me – whether through coaching, body work, classes, or professional services – and especially when I’ve invested so much it feels like shivery butterflys are being sick in my belly, I’ve received huge value and propelled forward way faster than I’d expected.

Connecting with you power posse

I overheard an African saying the other day: If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Beautiful, right? Do everything you can to engage with likeminded woman and build lasting, authentic, supportive, generous relationships with them. Once you’ve got peeps in your corner ease flows better. Accountability, tough love, bear hugs, Friday night mocktails = there’s nothing like being supported by likeminded babes.

Start (again and again and again)

This is the easiest and trickiest one of the lot. If you want to get anywhere, everyday, all you’ve gotta do it start where you left off. Again and again.

I believe that doing the work we’re meant to do doesn’t mean it won’t be hard or scary at times. Big picture, difficulty and fear aren’t important (notice how they weren’t in the list I mentioned at the beginning). Doing your work IS important. Surround yourself with the right support, ask for help and invest where you need to, and most important start.

So now you know my ‘gut goal’, I’d love you to declare yours!

In the comments below share a personal goal you’re working towards (or dreaming of working towards) and one thing you do that helps you stay focused on achieving it.

***

Hey there, I’m Kate, a business strategist, coach, and blogger. I’m the creator of Betty Means Business – an online space totally dedicated to helping women with business yearnings become the kickass creative entrepreneurial trailblazers they’re meant to be.

This year I’ve set myself a big personal creative challenge: Can I set up and grow a successful business in only 2 hours or less a day? Visit Betty Means Business to find out, check out my FREE eBook Kill Overwhelm + Make Shit Happen, and then come say hey to me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I’d love to connect!

Image: Alexander Shahmiri

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Being Okay With Being Unpopular

28 May, 2013

This is the first in a series of brilliant guest posts that will be appearing on the blog while I’m in Italy. Let’s roll out the welcome mat for Jess – leave your thoughts/ experiences/ questions in the comments below. I’ll be checking back in, but in the meantime, enjoy!

What’s with this incessant need we have to want everyone in the world to like us? It’s obviously an impossible feat, and yet we feel icky whenever we’re faced with someone who is critical of us, who disagrees with us, or who speaks badly of us. Even if we don’t know the person slinging the negative remarks, criticism can leave us with knotted stomachs and self-doubt for days.

Smack bang in the middle of a particularly tough week on the blogosphere, one of my readers sent me a TEDx talk by someone named Erika Napoletano called Rethinking Unpopular. It was just the medicine I needed to soothe my bruised ego, and console me enough to see the beauty in the situation – both in the humility it was affording me, and also in the perspective it gave me.

This talk made me realise that being unpopular is not a bad thing – especially now that we’re no longer in high school. Being unpopular as an adult means that we’re being authentic. It means that we’re being so loyal to who we are that we’re not willing to morph into something else just to please other people. And this authenticity is what’s going to deliver us all of the goods life has to offer.

“There will always be naysayers. If everyone agrees with you, you’re doing it wrong. But then again, if everyone disagrees with you, you just might be doing it wrong, too.” ~ Erika Napoletano

Sure, being authentic and speaking out in the face of naysayers may rock the boat, but that’s good. Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone just agreed with each other and no one had the audacity to challenge someone else’s ideas? We’d all be completely ignorant to the fact that the world is round and that perhaps it’s not such a great idea to smoke while pregnant.

As Erika says in her talk, being unpopular is all about honouring your two most important relationships – the relationship you have with those who love you for everything you are and everything you’re not, and the relationship with yourself. Nothing else matters. We can’t please everyone (this is a cliché for a reason), and there’s no way around that. We may all come from the same source, but we’re all made up of different cells and we’re all results of different conditioning.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” ~ Dita Von Teese

Being a blogger, I have something to say. This is the case with every blogger. If it weren’t, our websites would simply be filled with pages and pages of cat videos. But even this would spark critical comments from those ~~weirdos~~ who don’t like cats. Some days I’ll post something that’s met with a round of virtual applause from all directions, and then just when my ego starts to get ahead of itself I’ll be brought back down to earth with comments alluding to the idea that perhaps I have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s humbling. But without keeping a healthy perspective, it could also make me want to close my whole site down and hide away.

If you have something to say, please say it. It’s an incredible disservice to the world when you play it safe for the sake of pleasing the masses, and you have no idea of the potentially great impact you could have by being true to yourself and being your gorgeous, shining, authentic self. Be okay with being unpopular.

Jess Ainscough is a writer, speaker, health coach and cancer kickin’ Wellness Warrior. As the creator of The Wellness Warrior, Jess writes daily articles on courage, kindness, self-respect — as well as practical how-to’s for shopping, cooking, juicing and nourishing your body. She is also the creator of the revolutionary guide to mind-body reinvention, The Wellness Warrior Lifestyle Transformation Guide. This year, Jess will have her first book published with Hay House called Make Peace With Your Plate: How To End Your Tortured Relationship With Food.

OVER TO YOU…

Have you ever experienced a backlash when you’ve gone against popular opinion (whether that’s on your blog, at work, or in conversation?) Ever stayed quiet on an issue to “keep the peace?”

Share your stories below.

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